Stuck In A Moment.

Saturday was the first rehearsal for LTYM San Francisco. Life has been throwing me some curve balls lately so the thought of checking out of my regular life was highly appealing. I was positively giddy as I drove there. I couldn't wait to hear the other stories. I was excited to meet the other performers. I was simply happy to be spending a morning being me - not mom.

Often when you build something up in your mind or are looking forward to something so much it turns out not to meet expectations. This was one of those glorious times when my expectations were forgotten as I was absorbed by the experience.

Last year at BlogHer I read at the LTYM lounge organized by Ann Imig. It was, by far, my favorite event at BlogHer. Just listening to people speak their words, told from their hearts is magical. It's your favorite movie live - in front of you. So, I knew this rehearsal was likely to be good.

In all the excitement of getting to listen to the others read - I forgot I would actually be reading. As the woman two before me finished reading, the realization hit. I'm not shy, I quite like an audience but this doesn't stop the nerves from coming. I had just listened to several heartbreaking, side splittingly funny, intelligent, clever or witty stories and now it was going to be my turn.

When you are safe in your home with your laptop - spilling your guts onto the keyboard it's relatively painless. If you do the ugly cry, no-one is there to see it. You can take your snot covered , blotchy face into the kitchen and cheer yourself up with a cookie (or two.) As long as you don't look in the mirror, you can continue to picture yourself as tragically beautiful. Even if you are posting to your blog - you still get to sit protected behind a screen. Not so here in this room with twelve strangers.

Even although I had listened to the others express their nerves and anxieties. Even although I had murmured reassurances and rooted for them as they read, I still hadn't considered how it would actually feel when it was my turn. Here's what I learned. Opening your heart and revealing your deepest secrets is an experience everyone should have. Even as I had to keep taking big deep breathes to steady my nerves. Even as I had to pause to make sure I could get the next sentence out. I knew I was having 'a moment' (is that phrase owned by Oprah now?)

I left that room feeling more alive than I have felt in years. If there is a LTYM event near you - I really hope you'll go. Listen and then consider sharing some of your story with strangers - who just might turn out to be friends.

The Ties That Bind.

Watching the nine year old tie her shoe laces is the most excruciatingly painful thing. Not in a injury kind of way. It is an entirely emotional reaction. I can't stand it.

She has been able to tie shoe laces for a while. She can double knot proficiently - as long as the entire thing can happen in slow motion. A child tying their shoelaces is an instrument of parental torture. Shoes are the last thing to go on before we leave for anywhere. We usually leave for anywhere about ten minutes later than we needed to. This agonizingly, infuriatingly desperately slow process always happens in a time crunch. It is enough to make any parent explode with frustration.

This is why velcro was invented. This is why slip-ons are fashionable. These eminently easier shoes were created by a parent - I'll put money on it. So why even have laces? Excellent question. The nine year old's teacher insists on it. She's a very sensible, educated and rational person. She has her reasons - they are myriad. They are also solid. Even knowing these solid reasons I cannot be calm about the drudgery of laces.

Firstly, shoes are always removed laced up. No matter how much coaching I do on this subject I never fail to be greeted by a pair of double knotted shoes at 7.29am on school mornings. I sit on the bottom step watching the nine year old slooowly untie them. Then she attempts to insert her foot. It won't go in. She removes the shoes and slackens the laces.. She re-inserts her foot. Next she slooowly plucks the laces back into the tight position. She now gathers the laces to actually tie them. Often at this point she is distracted by something and pauses to examine it. I sit on the step slooowly pulling the hair from my head.
Eventually she is finished and stands up. Without fail one of the double knots slips out, or she discovers the laces are not tight enough. She starts again. The clock seems to ticks louder - reminding me that the bus will leave without us.

If you were to take my blood pressure at this point, you'd likely want to call 911 for me. I know you are wondering why I sit by. Here's why - I have tried to rally, to give tips and advice, to focus her to the task in hand. It all causes the process to stall. I have tried starting the process earlier. It's almost as if there is a time vacuum - if I leave five minutes it takes ten. If I leave ten it takes fifteen - and so on.

At certain times of the month my frustration verges on rage. The amount of physical effort I have to put into not tearing those laces out and hacking them up with scissors is exhausting. It's too early in the morning for me to have that kind of patience. I haven't even had a cup of tea. To make it all worse is the look on the nine year old's face. She knows the bus will leave. She knows the bus leaving is bad. She know I am watching. She wants to tie those laces quickly and well. She wants to please me. I want to pluck my eyeballs out but instead I murmur encouragements and smile proudly. This is parenting.

LTYM Now on Sale!

Tickets to Listen To Your Mother - San Francisco are now on sale.
A One Night Mother's Day event giving local writers the opportunity to share their stories about motherhood.

Get your tickets HERE

Did I mention I'm in this show?

A portion of the proceeds will go to THIS wonderful charity.

Take your mom, your girlfriends - everyone!

Looking forward to seeing/meeting you there.......

Early to Bed and Early to Rise.

I am seriously mad right now. Stark raving, pillow punching mad. Why? you ask. Let me tell you. Three (two?) words.
Day Light Savings. Or as I like to call it Day Light F@*&%$#G Savings. Of course I'd never say that in polite company or in a blog post that my elders read.

I have endured this torture for nine years now. (Prior to kids it just interfered with my weekend long lie which was still annoying but perhaps a little less valid.) I have joked along with the other bleary eyed parents and tried to keep a good attitude because the farmers need the daylight. Turns out this is a complete LIE. I am reliably informed that farmers get up with the sun and work while there is light. They pay no never mind to clocks. I conducted an extensive poll and by that I mean I spoke to two people who farm. Time on a clock face means nothing to them. NOTHING.

So I did what all outraged and well educated people do. I consulted Wikipedia. Wikipedia tells me it actually all got started by a man in New Zealand who likes bugs. No joke. This man found that in the spring when bugs are quite busy with their mating and chrysalising etc he didn't have enough daylight hours after he finished his job to study them so he proposed daylight savings. So just so we are clear. We are now all sleep deprived, tearful and cranky because a man in New Zealand had a hobby. He apparently was backed up in his proposal by a man in England who wanted more golf time after work. Golf and bugs. Now do you see why I am angry?

My three year old is so confused right now it's like we have been on an international flight. I am prepared to deal with this madness if I have in fact woken up in another country but no, still here in sameville. Last night she was awake until 3am. How one hour can cause such chaos is not explained in wikipedia so I can't comment on that.

All I know is that it has to stop. I say we occupy daylight savings. A disgruntled parent is the most assertive force I know. Why are we taking this lying down? Actually why are we taking this kneeling at the side of our children's beds pleading with them to please go to sleep or to please wake up for school? Sure the light in the morning is nice but it will show up all by itself in a week or three anyway.

Let's start a petition. We can place posters at our kids schools - use our blogs to get the word out. Who's with me?
What? Oh you're too tired? Yes, me too - let's start with a nap....

Dishes, Laundry and Public Performances.

I found out today I made the cast of Listen To Your Mother - San Francisco!
I checked out the blogs of the other cast members - so many stories, so much talent.
I am excited, nervous and more than a little delighted to do something other than dishes or laundry.
If you live in the Bay Area I hope you'll come to the show.

Because I'm A Mother.

Today I am adding my voice to the STOP KONY 2012 Campaign.

You can find out more about this issue by watching this VIDEO (not for young children.)

I know it's trending on social media sites today and the inevitable opposing view has arisen. My view is this: This is an undisputed and completely horrific reality in many parts of Africa. The majority of those affected are children. Many of these children are alone and have endured and participated in more horror and suffering than can be imagined.
For every action there is a reaction but this cannot be a reason to stand by, witness and ignore.

Please take a look, form your own view and then act as you see fit.